Baseball has always had a soft spot for corny humor. This page gathers puns, riddles and short stories that fans traded around the Jerry Grote website, rewritten here for a new audience. Groan loudly; it is part of the tradition.
Quick pitches
- Which is the longer trip, first to second or second to third? Second to third, because a shortstop stands in the way.
- Where does a catcher have supper? Behind the plate, naturally.
- What do a cake and a ball club share? Each depends on a good batter.
- What connects a famous home run slugger and a well-known baking brand? Both promise a better batter.
- Why did a young fan bring a ladder to the ballpark? He had heard the drinks were on the house.
- Why did an umpire pack extra tissue for the game? The bases were going to be loaded.
- Why would a scout leader ask a ballplayer to join a camping trip? The tent needed someone who could pitch.
- Why did a police officer sprint across the diamond? Someone was stealing second.
The bases-loaded riddle
Three grandmothers attend their first Mets game and bring along a bottle of whiskey, which they stir into their soft drinks. By the middle of the game the bottle is nearly empty, with plenty of innings still to go. What inning is it, and what is the situation? The answer: the bottom of the fifth, and the bags are loaded.
Is there baseball in heaven?
Two lifelong friends, both devoted to box scores and winter-long arguments about baseball history, make a pact: whichever of them dies first will find a way to report back on whether the game is played in the afterlife. One summer night, shortly after watching the Mets win, the first friend passes away peacefully. A few nights later the other hears a familiar voice in the dark.
“Is there baseball up there?” he asks.
“I have good news and bad news,” comes the answer. “Yes, there is baseball in heaven. But you are scheduled to pitch tomorrow night.”
The rabbit in the outfield
Another story, told by a broadcaster and attributed to the early star Honus Wagner, goes back to the days before stadium lights. Daylight was fading, a fly ball sailed toward Wagner in the outfield, and he lost it in the gloom. At that moment a rabbit happened to dash past; he scooped it up and fired it to first base for the out. It was, the storyteller said, the first runner ever thrown out by a hare.
A warning from the household
A closing item reads like a safety notice. Never toss a baseball into the air while a ceiling fan is spinning. A fan makes a surprisingly good bat, and the ball travels a long way, straight through ordinary window glass, double pane or not.
The page ends with a favorite line from the site’s owner: you may be in deep left field, but at least you are still in the ballpark.
More from the site
If you enjoyed the humor, move on to the Link Lineups page for a guide to baseball resources, or return to the home page for more about Jerry Grote.